Some times you just need a nap... or a prescription antidepressent  
So I took a nap today. Not something I normaly do. I felt like shit before hand and I couldn't put my finger on why. Put on some Lazy music (yes that's the LMF CD for you regulars) and covered up under Tammy's big ass blanket she made for my office and removed my glasses and shoes (that by the way is a sleep aid for me, its like giving my a whole lot of rum. Of course we don't know what would happen if I got any rum so this is pure conjecture...)

When I woke up. It was like the rain had gone. It had not. It was like the stars were out. They were not... but it sure felt good... I think it was like having a prozac i bet. (see above with the rum... conjecture)

Renaissance Man  
So we all know who does the shopping... I do. Someone I know, sort of, actually I don't know their name, but this lady called me "Renaissance man" because I do the shopping. Lets take a quick look at the word:

Ren·ais·sance man
noun

man with wide-ranging intellect: a man who has a wide range of accomplishments and intellectual interests --Taken from encarta online.

OK so lets delve a little deeper. OK So I'm not sure what the intent was when she called me this, and on the surface its a compliment so I choose to take it as such. I like to look at things from all sides though. How does shopping make me have a wide variety of talents and interests. You all know I do the shopping because Tammy is pure evil (That's E vil like the De vil) when she shops. So that leads me to believe she was being a bit sarcastic. OK so what even if she was, her statement is true. I started the day with a nice ride. I have a wide variety of interests. Math, Go, History, Obviously photography, etc.

Her statement was true, but she didn't know the half of it. I spent most of last night watching a video about the Fibonacchi constant. (Shout outs to Deonn for bringing that over, its her late Grandfather on the video). And He kept saying he didn't want to get into the math, but I wanted the real deal, bring it on... I can't wait to watch part two later today.

So I guess I am a Renaissance Man... If that means I'm not a fucking dark ages digging in the dirt mutherfucker then so be it.

She doesn't know the half of it... I'm not just a Renaissance Man. I'm a Renaissance Muther Fucker... RMF... I think this means I need a new CD... RMF... oh what will I end that CD with?

13.5 miles  
I did another ride this morning. It was great. I hit walmart, but not target. I went farther faster and climbed a real hill this time... I had to slog through it, I had to stop but i never walked. I did it one fucking storm drain at a time. Each time I had to stop I looked back at how much hill I had already covered. That made it much easier.

Coming down the other side (the not so steep side I hit 41 MPH ) yes officer that *is* 11 miles over the speed limit. Not guilty. I'm not driving. That brings up a point. If you are riding your bike and you get a ticket do you get points on your insurance? I hope not. I wasn't anywhere near a fucking car.

The ride rocked... I'll keep on doing it. What a time of year to take up riding again... January... crazy... Crazy... CMF...

SuperBowl Update  
I know who won.... thats it... not even the score... I missed a great trick by Penn & Teller in the pre and post game shows... But I just don't watch TV. If it isn't on DVD I'm not interested...

CD's  
You'd think i just got a CD burner for my birthday or something. I mean I'm such a freak I've had one for years and I've never made a mix CD. I made kid CD's that combined other CD's together, but i've never boiled down my favorite songs onto a single CD to put in the car.

I made a CMF CD that stands for "Crazy MutherFucker". Now I'm making a "LMF" CD which stands for Lazy... its lower key and actively soothing. However its much harder than making a crazy one. The CMF was easy this one is hard. I'm hooked though and I'm planning a 6 CD set. One for each slot in the beeetllllle.... I'll keep ya posted...

Note CD's are not available... I own all the CD's i'm getting the music from and the compilation discs are for personal use only and are not distributed in any way as per the US Copyright Act of 1974. I stay in full compliance of the law at all times. (This is a public forum)...

As a side note, these writings are public and if you read and enjoy them i dont' mind you making spam all over the world and sending out the link. If you like a particular article a link to it is included by the Blogger.com folks at the end of each post... if not no worries, its not like I make money from this... I do have a very short mailing list that i send out called the microspam list where when i make a couple of posts I send it out. If you want on that list for timely updates of this blog, drop me and email (see the link over by the pic of "my one eye" ?)...

Again I don't make any money here, I just do this cause i'm a freak...

10 miles...  
So I was feeling kinda bad. Antibiotics in my system. Hardly able to eat but like once a day. So what did I do about that?

Yup I hopped on my bike and did a quick (about an hour) 10 miles. I hit all the major discount stores. First I rode to walmart. From there i took the interurban trail to target. From target home again. I did it in the traditional ride to microsoft style. The last bit is a bad climb. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was dangerous and I did get pushed off the road twice by people with so little patients they can't wait for 30 seconds while traffic runs the other way. The worst one was a red honda that laid on the horn as he went by. I actually tried to catch up to him he passed me within inches. I wanted his plate number.

So I didn't want to drive anywhere thats why my desitnations were so exotic... walmart... target... man I gots to find a kmart so I can hit the blue light specials while i'm out and about. But I learned some things about the topology of the neighborhood. In a car you have not a clue. Walking isn't fast enough to really get a feel for where the ridge is or where the valley is. And besides... I don't walk that far.. fuck that... It was interesting to get back on my bike. Even the smell of road riding brought back riding to work...

Anyways it was a good ride and I didn't get hurt. I did decide I need a new bike computer. And I think a new bike to hold it up... my bike is old....

Super What?  
Ok so i hear there is a foot ball game going on today called the superbowl. Truthfully I didn't know it was even on today until someone said something to me. Then I had to run to the web to see who was playing so this year won't be like last year...

Spam check  
None of it was amusing today, bunch of get rich quick and weight loss schemes... oh and one of favorites... use our software to avoid spam. Those are classic...

Scrabble  
OK so I get the most improved award for scrabble last night. I fucking won. Maybe it was just the right combination of consanants vowels and dirty words. Maybe it was because someone at the table couldn't keep quiet about a play i had and since we weren't using the timer i was able to sit there and hunt for it. I think it was a 27 pointer... cost her the game...

Macro Spam  
So I get a decent amount of spam and it amuses me now. The game I play is to put all the spam in one folder (outlook does this for me) but then I read it so all the subjects run together (don't open the spam) just read the subjects for example this morning:

Lose 32lbs by March America's best kept secret quality steak knife blowout detoxify your bowel.

this is it broke up:

Lose 32lbs by March | America's best kept secret | quality steak knife blowout | detoxify your bowel.

I mostly like the blowout followed by bowel... funny stuff... see everything has value even macro spam...

And by the way no you can't grow your (insert anybody part here) 3 inches in 21 days... that would just HURT....

Thinking back on the life savor incident  
That would be probly the worst way to die.... I don't want to go like that...

Wouldn't it be funny... NOT  
If I was home alone and was eating some candy(i was)... and I choked(i did)... and I died(I didn't I coughed the thing up)... on a fucking cherry life savor?

Eating is dangerous... Keep it in mind...

Toilet Tissue shouldn't be this hard to buy?  
So I've been doing the shopping for a while. Now, those of you who know Tammy, know that she is a 'nonshopper'. To the point that the grocery store is... well... nothing short of pure hell if you are there with her. O.K. so what? I love her anyways. So I stepped up to the plate when web van drops the ball and I become the shopper.

I'm no jedi shopper mind you. I scrape by. I got my list and I read it backwards... bottom to top and right to left. See the store has two doors and Tammy makes the list. She visits in one direction and i the other. She writes the list as if she were going. Which we all know from experience, she is not. So I'm really flexible, I just read it backwards and it works out well. Remember she is left handed.

So we don't write down brand names except when they have been so successfully ingrained into us as to refer to the whole category by the name of the one brand. (this by the way is the marketing holy grail) An example that comes to mind is Downy. They created the whole need to soften the fabrics so they could sell you this blue shit that either goes in a ball or in a special container in the washer and comes out during the rinse. Or Or you can run and add it yourself right after the spin (fuck that noise). I'm lucky if I hear the fucking thing stop, let alone shift modes... but i digress...

Anyways all i got to go on is "toilet paper".. By the way. We call it facial tissue, makes good sense you whipe your face with it. Why isn't Toilet Tissue called... well.. what I mean is... you don't whipe the toilet with it, you whipe your ... nevermind you get the idea.

So i'm facing this wall of paper. You got the big 3.

Charmin, (where is mr. whipple burried anyways? probly in a septic tank somewhere..._)

Quilted Norther. OK who named this brand? do you have live in the north. Down in Texas do they have quilted Southern?

Some brand i dont' recall made of cotton or something (see i'm not Jedi shopper)I

And you got the generic... Lets just get something straight. If its really important to you, do you buy the generic? What is more important than what whipes my toilet?

OK so obviously the 3rd there doesn't score high on my list or I'd remember it. I don't. So we got your two major brands having a little memetic war in my brain while I stand there trying to choose. I ask you: do I choose on price? uh no. This is my toilet we're talking about... I want nothing but the best.

So I read the packaging. This one is Ulta absorbant... This one is super absorbant. I think to myself. So? I don't care how absorbant it is. I think on that one for like a whole god damn minute. Who cares? Answer: Women do, moron. Oh ya duh. Well she's not here. So how do I pick? Again we have ultra soft and super soft. Soft is important. Can't they give an ANSI measurement like grit on sand paper. Well the charmin's good and absorband but its got a 250 grit on it. Can you say owwwww?

So I got bupkus. So i pick. Charmin. WRONG. falls apart. Very Bad. Aparently now that mr. whipple is pushing up daisies they dropped the quality ball on that brand. Falling apart bad. Thats when I realized exactly what is important to man in toilet tissue. Its tensile strength. Will it pull apart under pressure? Hold together...

So men: Buy quilted norther ulta double roll super absorbant. It'll stick together when you need it. Women: I hope that works for you to, I dunno. I haven't heard any complaints. Maybe she's scared I'll make her shop if she complains... who knows?

Cough Drops  
What the fuck? Why would anyone ever put something named cough drop in your mouth? Drop it in and choke immediately as you begin to cough.

Ok I know thats not the deal. It stops the cough right? wrong. It's a plot. They just taste bad and then when you hit the liquid center it is a psychotropic drug that makes you forget you spent the last seven or so minutes coughing. Its a plot. I'm sure Coloner Sanders is making money of it... certain of it... I need some hot wings...

The Drawer  
Was mostly trash and paper... I won't be detailed here...

There is a deck of cards from our honey moon with the score sheet for our game of rummy 23,000. Like rummy 500 but it takes ... well... longer than 11 years to complete... we don't play every night or anything. The current standings are me at 16000 and tammy at 15000. She thinks i've got her, but that is that much of a spread...

Maybe tomorrow if i'm still sick i'll tackle the little cubby hole under it..

The contents of my bed stand...  
So I'm sick in bed... I have a wireless connection for my lap top now... so what am I gonna do... inventory my bed table.

one cup of cranapple and ice... still cold... (or it would be cranapple and water) brought to me earlier by Tammy w/breakfast.

my cell phone... seems to be on and with me 24x8 lately

2 candles... one that you can burn and you can't... not sure why the one you can't is there must ask Tammy

The principia by Isaac Newton (I shit you not) a little light reading before bed

The autobiography and other writings by Benjamin Franklin. I'm further along in this than I am the principia I can tell you that for damn sure

Some Advil cold and sinus (you do the math on that one)

Some halls cough drops (see above)

an empty cup that's been there for a long time and I don't want to know what was in it

one white lamp

a spray bottle with vinegar and water in it. This is a home made dog mute button for the middle of the night

an old flight itinerary from the Boston flight debacle (see vodka drama queen)

45 cents USD

That's just what's on top of it, I'm afraid to look in the cubby or the drawer at this point, and I may never post what's there anyway....

It's not a night table  
I mean... I was sick today and i spent some time in bed. I kept looking at the thing... thinking people call it a night table but its not night time and its still a table. Granted at night it is also a table, but at 11:00am it was still a table. It had some of my stuff on it. It ws holding it up admirably. I checked again at about 12:10 and damn if it still wasn't a table...

NightMorningAfternoonEvening table (although i haven't checked in the evening yet. I was down stairs on the couch).

How about a bed table? well you dont' sleep on it, its too small... a next2thebed table will work i guess.... just not a night table. Maybe I'm using it wrong... Maybe i'm sapose to take the shit off it in the morning. but it has a lamp and a clock on it... i don't want to haul that stuff somewhere else in the morning... bed stand maybe... i dunno... i'm probly getting feverish... what are you gonna do?

Cooking Tip  
1/2 of an espresso burrito in the microwave does NOT need a minute twenty!... very bad...

Someone said something about a microwave cleaner... i wonder what that is called.]

A new unit of measure  
So anybody who knows me knows that I love Halo. I'm not the best at it, I'm not the worst at it. I don't mind losing, but like anything it's a little more fun to win when the game is close.

The unit of measure it the "Halo". Its how interesting a video game is. I'm not talking about technology in it, or how cool it is to blow up or even how fast it is. It measures how much you care about the characters. I didn't realize how good Halo was until Mech assault came along. This is not a piece on trashing Mech, Mech is a good game, there is a variety of things to do, mostly you blow shit up. Its challenging enough to hold your interest. But... But in Halo you click with the characters. The acting is superb, the script second to none. Mech? well lets just say the phrase "Shut your pie hole you c*&t" came out of my mouth more than one time. (Yes i have been watching tooooo much sopranos, but what are you gonna do?)

There is a part in Halo where it just scares the shit out of you. It's how it got its 'M' rating i'm sure. Where as in mech when you hit the climax even the other animated characters are making fun of your foe. It's whacked. You just don't care. I don't think its the actors fault, i think its the script. I mean the 'babe' keeps calling you "sport". I mean come on i just fucked up a whole batallion of tanks and 16 mechs... don't fuckin' call me sport when i get back to the drop ship... Sport? I often spouted back "go play hideandgofuckyourself, you buchiach". (when the kids weren't around)

so I have to give Mech Assault like a 30 micro Halo for it's characters.... Halo is now the unit of measure....

Nobody writes anymore  
One thing computers have killed its the hand written note.... maybe tablet will bring it back.

Hell if they clean up drawings then they will kill the 'doodle on the napkin' as sure as disco is gone forever...

9 feet of green  
I need to go shoot some pool.

I need to go shoot some pool.

I need to go shoot some pool.

16 balls, 6 pockets, a stick that screws together from two pieces, and nine feet of soft green cloth....

Its clean, it's definate, the ball either fell or it didn't.... Exact. Boolean. You know where you are. Each configuration of the table is a new problem. A fresh start. Each rack it all goes back... You gotta like that.